All I want for Christmas is...........................

It has been quite a while since I have posted. Things have been busy, but nothing really bugging me I guess.....until recently.  This blog is my therapy.......just seeing it down in print helps me to sort out my feeling on the issue at hand. I know I have said this before on here, but I have trusted God with my life. I don't budge until he says to budge. However, I am starting to lose faith here....I'm starting to feel a sense of urgency in my life....and I guess I don't know why. Just when I feel like I know where God is directing me....the door just slams shut. I just don't get it. Patience? I feel like I have proven I am patient. I've done everything God has wanted me to do, but we are never on the same page. I'm so sick of the door being slam shut. BAM.....BAM......BAM........BAM....I'm starting to feel resentment. Like, why me? Why is the Susan having a pity party? Well, I made a decision a few months back to look for the man of my dreams. Yea, well....*cough, cough....I'm already to give up. I don't do the bar rooms. The casinos are okay, but most guys are there to gamble....just too much going on in there....anyway, so I decided to join the rest of the world and join online dating sites. Well, the first one was a disaster. After a month, I deleted my account. Had plenty hits, but....geez....I think all 700 + hits were either scammers or scuzzy men *shivers. So I changed sites. Went to the next site which was quite expensive; however, my profession does dictate me being discrete. Nothing like have a parent of a student you taught....or the student himself ....message you on a dating site -_- I figured the price would eliminate most....if not all of the eligible bachelors in the Berwick/Morgan City/Patterson area....lol. First off I had to answer over 1000 questions....so they can find my "perfect match." Well, here is the problem with that tactic......you have to be real. Yea, real....like honest real. If either of the people are not being honest, then the match is flawed. I have been matched with many men (not as many as the other site though) and the longer this goes on the more I'm resenting the price I paid. How am I suppose to know if they are being real? I can't believe I'm just thinking about this....after I joined. I mean seriously......why lie? Do men really think that they will ever find a real woman by lying. So when I like ...... decided to do this....of course I prayed about it....and my prayer was that God would not make me go through several men before I find the right one. I am talking to a man from the site, but I'm having a hard time reading him simply because most of our convo's are on the phone. When me and this guy started talking I was like *thumbs up God! But, he has said some things that have given me pause. I'm sure I have done the same thing to him...LOL...no I know I have. I have this uncanny way of opening mouth....inserting foot. I'm starting to feel myself get angry......why does everything that involves me get complicated. WHY GOD? Why can't you just tell me where he is? I can move wherever he is at......just tell me who he is!!! Ya know, after my 3 months on this site....I think I will be done with online dating. I just think I'm not cut out for this kinda thing. I'm so freaking aggravated. I'm tired of typing....blah.