Facing Reality

I've tried to avoid reality all weekend. I was pretty successful....that is until today. I don't think there is an elementary school teacher (or any grade level teacher) that hasn't been affected by the news of the tragedy in Newton, Connecticut. As news broke, I had one of my Cued Speech Transliterators at home on sick leave. She began sending us information as the news unfolded. I scanned the messages, but did not dwell on what was being said. I tried very hard to distance myself from the tragedy. I'm at an elementary school for crying out loud! I have work to do! "Darn it, SER isn't working today and I have an initial IEP due Wednesday!" I worked hard at staying busy....I have "my" babies to worry about here. I did everything possible to avoid   thinking about the tragedy in Newton. Stayed busy Saturday and Sunday. Went to NOLA. Shopped for Christmas gifts. Cleaned house. Talked on the phone. Then Monday came. And THE email. From our principal. Giving us directions on reviewing emergency and lock-down procedures. How to handle our children's concerns. What she was doing to make our school safer - she placed a maintenance request for "buzz in doors." But wait....did that help Sandbrook Elementary?? I just stared at the computer. The email. And it hit me. Susan, YOU are Berwick Elementary Crisis Response Chairperson. What the hell are you doing trying to ignore this? I got sick to my stomach. I don't know what to say or do? I don't know what to think. I force it out of my mind, but I want to break down and cry. I can't. Not in front of MY babies. I hold it together..........until I get home to the safety of my house, and I let it out. I sobbed, as I thought of how eerily similar Berwick and Newton communities are. Upper middle class. Everybody knows everybody. Awesome schools. Little to no crime. I must read. I need to face this! I read about the children. The principal. The teachers. The parents. Presidents Obama's visit. I'm over a thousand miles from this tragedy, and I'm a hopeless mess. Susan - " Quit sobbing! Get it together girl! You have a degree in counseling! Shake it off! Think about how you can make YOUR elementary school safer!" In the end, what really could have been done differently? The killer was determine to get into the school and kill. He got pass the "buzz in" doors. Yes, it could have been worse, but my thought went to what could have made this young man go back to HIS elementary school to kill. I think I'm emailing my superintendent tomorrow. We need counselors in our elementary schools. We need to intervene at a very young age when we already know something is quite not right. Was there a counselor at Sandybrook? We do not have any elementary counselors in St. Mary Parish, and I have said for years that elementary schools are one of the most important places to have counselors. Maybe an elementary counselor could have help this young man long before this tragedy. I have to do something. I have to do something for my "angels." I need to do something about this before we have this same tragedy played out here in Berwick.

To all of the angels in Newton, Connecticut : I will not let your death be in vain.