2014 New Years Resolutions

1. remove ALL processed food from my diet

2. start exercising

Now that this is down in print, I am held accountable......right? :/

All I want for Christmas is...........................

It has been quite a while since I have posted. Things have been busy, but nothing really bugging me I guess.....until recently.  This blog is my therapy.......just seeing it down in print helps me to sort out my feeling on the issue at hand. I know I have said this before on here, but I have trusted God with my life. I don't budge until he says to budge. However, I am starting to lose faith here....I'm starting to feel a sense of urgency in my life....and I guess I don't know why. Just when I feel like I know where God is directing me....the door just slams shut. I just don't get it. Patience? I feel like I have proven I am patient. I've done everything God has wanted me to do, but we are never on the same page. I'm so sick of the door being slam shut. BAM.....BAM......BAM........BAM....I'm starting to feel resentment. Like, why me? Why is the Susan having a pity party? Well, I made a decision a few months back to look for the man of my dreams. Yea, well....*cough, cough....I'm already to give up. I don't do the bar rooms. The casinos are okay, but most guys are there to gamble....just too much going on in there....anyway, so I decided to join the rest of the world and join online dating sites. Well, the first one was a disaster. After a month, I deleted my account. Had plenty hits, but....geez....I think all 700 + hits were either scammers or scuzzy men *shivers. So I changed sites. Went to the next site which was quite expensive; however, my profession does dictate me being discrete. Nothing like have a parent of a student you taught....or the student himself ....message you on a dating site -_- I figured the price would eliminate most....if not all of the eligible bachelors in the Berwick/Morgan City/Patterson area....lol. First off I had to answer over 1000 questions....so they can find my "perfect match." Well, here is the problem with that tactic......you have to be real. Yea, real....like honest real. If either of the people are not being honest, then the match is flawed. I have been matched with many men (not as many as the other site though) and the longer this goes on the more I'm resenting the price I paid. How am I suppose to know if they are being real? I can't believe I'm just thinking about this....after I joined. I mean seriously......why lie? Do men really think that they will ever find a real woman by lying. So when I like ...... decided to do this....of course I prayed about it....and my prayer was that God would not make me go through several men before I find the right one. I am talking to a man from the site, but I'm having a hard time reading him simply because most of our convo's are on the phone. When me and this guy started talking I was like *thumbs up God! But, he has said some things that have given me pause. I'm sure I have done the same thing to him...LOL...no I know I have. I have this uncanny way of opening mouth....inserting foot. I'm starting to feel myself get angry......why does everything that involves me get complicated. WHY GOD? Why can't you just tell me where he is? I can move wherever he is at......just tell me who he is!!! Ya know, after my 3 months on this site....I think I will be done with online dating. I just think I'm not cut out for this kinda thing. I'm so freaking aggravated. I'm tired of typing....blah.

A moment in time...............

"The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away."

Life in the DuBois household has been totally crazy lately. New job, new friends, new routines, new relationships............hard to even grasp all that I have been through in the last month. Kinda crazy. However, I have always done what is right, and rarely did what I wanted. I always chose the right path, simply because I had 4 little ones to always think about. Many times I have walked away from things I have wanted because it was in the best interest of someone I loved. No matter how much I wanted it........if it would directly or indirectly hurt someone I cared about.....I just walked away. At 51, I have decided life is all about me now. Oh, I still care about my childrenl; but finally, I am saying "no" a lot more just because it will put my life in a bind. Still saying yes from time to time, but just like last week, I say 3 no's to one yes....LOL. That is a record 3:1 !  It is funny to say this, but I will not always be here, so they need to learn to deal with there own poor decision making and disasters. I miss my friends here in Berwick. I rarely get to see them anymore, and as the school year has settled and we are all working like dogs, we rarely have time to get together or even text. I am making new friends in NOLA everyday, and God has blessed me with some super schools to work at with super people. I will be super glad when I feel settled a bit, and know all there is to know about the way things are done in Jefferson Parish. Nothing is the same. Drives a person, like me, who likes clarity a bit nuts. I'm getting more forceful in demanding answers, but I will be glad when this year is over. I still have issues with close personal relationships; however, the days of letting someone make me feel like dirt are over....I can say that with certainty. I have this knack for always finding people who cannot or will not communicate! And anyone who knows me, knows I am a person who must communicate otherwise it eats at me like a cancer. In the past I would let things go, to keep the peace, and after a while....the explosion would occur....and then that person is like....WTF is wrong with you. I have caught myself falling back into that cycle, and I cannot let myself go there ever again. I can clearly remember feeling completely justified in a situation, and by the time this other person (whomever it is I am having issues with) somehow turns the situation into it being MY fault. I always seem to find these master manipulators. Well, those days are also gone. If I have to fight to communicate with someone, then I am just letting go and walking away. I don't let go easily. I am a freaking fighter....especially if I feel you are worth the effort, but one person can only fight so long. I am done with fighting years or even months especially if it happens more times than I can count on one hand per month....same crap over and over again. I am worth the unpleasant conversation. I am worth the extra effort. I am worth time. I should not have to prove my worth to anyone....if you cannot see it, then it is time to walk away. Life is too damn short to waste it on people who enjoy playing games, and don't understand what it means to communicate. So to this end blog world, I started with a beautiful quote, now I will end with this:

"Without communication there is no relationship, without respect there is no love, without trust there is no reason to continue."

Summer Vacation 2013 comes to an end today :(

I have to say that this summer has been the best summer I have had in many, many years. Mostly because I had my two little boys with me for 10 whole weeks, but also because I was able to enjoy down time for the first time in as many years. I didn't have to get a classroom ready. Didn't do any inservices. Didn't work on school work. Didn't go to graduate school. All I did was focus on my babies.....and my goodness did it feel good not to even think about school.....of ANY kind. However, all good things must come to an end, and today was my last day of vacation. Tomorrow, I begin a new journey. One that I have been wanting and working towards for about 13 years + years. It is scary, exciting, and nerve racking all balled up into one big emotion that I can't even identify. LOL For the first time in 8 years, all I have is one job....no kids to take care of, no after school care job, no lessson plans to do, no graduate school.....I'm probably going to go stark raving nuts from all the down time!

On a good note....my new job. I am now an Educational Diagnostician for the Jefferson Parish Public School System. Jefferson Parish pretty much surrounds all of the city limits of New Orleans, LA. The city itself is within Orleans Parish, of course. Jefferson is what we call a split parish. Split meaning that the Mississippi River splits it into 2....the East Bank and the West Bank. At this point, I have been assigned to 4 schools....down from 5. I have 2 schools that I will mainly be in charge of all Special Education services. One is on the West Bank of Jefferson and the other is on the East Bank of Jefferson.  Then I will have secondary responsibilities at 3 other schools on the East Bank. I was hoping to be all on one side, but I don't think this will happen. The West Bank of Jefferson has "tougher" schools, so I guess we all have to share those responsibilities. I will also have to help out as needed with our private and charter schools. I am so fricken pumped about this job! I probably will not sleep a wink tonight. However, I will be commuting at first, which means a minimum of 160+ miles of riding in a vehicle. I will try it for a couple of months just to see how it goes. Then I just may get an apartment in NOLA. I love NOLA and I have always wanted to live there. Now I may get the chance. We will see. I will take it easy this first year. I will focus all on my job, since everything is new. Next year, I may look into teaching a couple of classes at the University level since I now am qualified to do so. However, I will want an adjunct position....just to make a few extra bucks. So much change, and I am not a person that enjoys change. 

Ok, I need to go to sleep....Goodbye summer vacation 2013...and Hello 2013-2014 school year!

Weird Feeling

After 20 years of teaching at Berwick Elementary, I turned in my keys today, and pick up just a hand full of mementos. I wasn't upset at all because I know God is in control. I found out that the teacher that is probably going to take my place has a Hispanic background.....the one area I was struggling with (my two little deaf Hispanic children). God takes care of everything. I feel really good about my decision today. Now if I could find out where I will be at, then I would feel really good. I guess I will  call tomorrow. They are in no hurry in Jefferson Parish I'll tell ya!

           Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, 
             penetrates walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope.
                                                                                          - Maya Angelou 

Summer going by too fast..................

Well, I got my babies even before school ended. They have been with me almost 8 weeks. We have had a blast this summer. Traveling, playing, staying up all night, sleeping all day, laughing, giggling, and just loving each other. These boys are just so damn awesome! With them here, I don't think about anything but them....and what we will do for fun next. HA! Reality hit today. I helped Thrifty Girl move into her new classroom at the new school she will be teaching at in the new parish she will be moving too. School is just 3 weeks away from starting. I still have the boys another a week and a half, but I feel the urgency in the air. This is teacher talk for..."I need to start getting my classroom ready, planning, putting up bulletin boards, etc." I don't have to worry bout all that this year, but um......I don't even know what schools I will be at yet...LOL. I'm eerily calm. It has been a good summer. I needed this. I can't even remember the last time I really had this much fun. The boys take my mind off of my worries, hurts, drama in my life. I really don't want them to leave, but I know they must. I guess I will replace it with "new job" worries. This will occupy my mind and keep me busy so that I don't think. Thinking is my worse enemy. It is a thorn in my side. I wish I could just turn off thinking. Then turn it back on when I need to think....wouldn't that be"oh so cool." I read a really neat quote on FB today...actually posted by one of my former students. Of course, it made me think......

               You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

This is my inspiration for now. I'm sailing into uncharted territories, but I have too. The only thing is that when I usually sail into uncharted territories, my ship sinks....lol. I am worried. Worried I've made the wrong decisions. I would have never tried this when the kids were young....too risky, but I feel that being single and alone, I would hurt no one but me if the decision is wrong....so I have nothing to lose...right? Except maybe pride, but what the hell is that when you are miserable anyway. Oh well, I was going to post some pics of our road trip this summer, but I cant figure out how to do it. I hate technology. Ugh!!!!

Bittersweet Day :(

Today, I turned in my resignation to my Principal, SPED Supervisor, and Personnel Director. I am no longer an employee of St. Mary Parish School System. Wow...I have never held another job. This was it. I knew this job backwards and forward and for the most part, could do it with my eyes close. It feels strange to say that I am now employed by Jefferson Parish School System. I am looking forward to the challenge, but I am also scared to death. I am moving from a rural parish with a total population of around 52,000, 9 to 10 thousand students to a parish which has 80,000 students and a total SPED Population of 5000. As I type that, I'm thinking I must be nuts! But oddly enough, I am very calm about it all. Scared to death, but calm about the decision. If that makes any sense. Phew, finally I got my dream job. I'm really an Educational Diagnostician. Wowza! Yippeeee! ......Yikes!

It's Official....I am really, really done!

Got an email from  the LA Department of Education today. My degree has been added, and they also felt I had earned Teacher Leader certification. Yipeeee! HA! See the results by clicking on the link below:

                     https://www.teachlouisiana.net/tlareports/PrintCertificate.aspx?Print=553646

It is pretty isn't it...LOL! Haven't been in the mood to blog much lately. A LOT is going on right now that I really can't put in print yet. Some things disappointing, but  not unexpected. Some things exciting, but I'm scared! HA! Imagine that! In all, I'm trusting that God is leading the way. He has never let me down before, I'm sure he knows exactly where all of this is going.

Have my little boys for the summer! It has been one exciting day after another. We are constantly on the go, except for today. We were all tired. The little one slept until 3 P.M. ! And the oldest didn't get up much earlier than that. Thrify Girls new love interest called for me to babysit his daughter while they tended to business, so I was up early.

I'll post some pics in coming days. I got a new computer and none of my stuff is on here. Ok, I'm out! Enjoy your weekend!

Mothers Day Weekend 2013

In Tyler, Texas with Princess and the boys. We arrived her last night, enjoyed a restful night, and now while the Princess is enjoying some rest time back in the room, Grammy and the boys are terrorizing the pool area. More to come!

Now What?! HA!

After 5 straight years in Grad School, I am finally done. I now have 3 full degrees + 45 extra Grad hours, which is the equivalent of 4+ degrees. All of them in education. I am so relieved it is unbelievable, but now what? I'm not about to go back to school. I'm not working on any more certifications. I'm just kinda sitting here thinking .....hmph.....now maybe I'll get cable! I need to think about my future. Which direction will my career go? Will I move, or will I stay here in Berwick? So many questions. Well, all I know at this point....May 8, 2013 is that I'm going away for the weekend with princess and the boys. Yep, going to Texas for a short getaway....to relax, go to a concert, and enjoy my family. Who knows what the future holds for me at this point? More to come...............

Yipppppeeeeeeee!

Ok, so now I can rest. My transcript online finally shows my degree....Thank You Sweet Jesus!
I'm feeling the love :) Oh yea, went to the interview yesterday with Lafayette Parish School System and it was the easiest interview I have ever been on....not that I have been on many. I doubt I will get it, but I should know by the end of the week either way.

Transcript Data

STUDENT INFORMATION
Name :		Susan L. DuBois
Curriculum Information
Current Program
Educational Specialist
Program:			Educl Leadership & Inst, EDS
College:			Education & Human Development
Major and Department:			Ed Leadership and Instruction, Education Leadership and Tech
Major Concentration:			Educational Leadership Special Education
DEGREE AWARDED
Awarded:	Educational Specialist			Degree Date:		May 10, 2013

Still Waiting...........................................................................

Getting closer. I received A's in the classes I took this semester, but next to Graduation it says "Pending."  I think I'ma call tomorrow. I need to let them know that I will NOT be attending graduation. Just mail that diploma....Nobody got time for that! LOL! I can also find out when transcripts will be ready. I just want to know people!

I also have a interview with Lafayette Parish School System on Monday. They have 2 substitute positions (until mid June) available for Educational Diagnostician, which is what I want. I won't accept a substitute position, but if they can guarantee me a job next year as a counselor or leadership position....I'll take it. We shall see. I hear that their interview process is rather grueling, so I hope it is worth it. The way I look at it is this.....if I don't get the job, at least I'm practicing interviews.....I haven't interviewed for a job outside St. Mary in 20 years! So either way, I'm a winner!

Done! The Wait is on...............

I just posted my last assignment to my online portfolio. I am officially done with all assignments, which means I'm all ready to see my account say......"Susan has satisfied all of the requirements for graduation." I'm just scared they will say.......Na....you forgot to do this, or take that.....ugh! I'm impatient, but I'm staying calm........the wait is on.   -_-

Spring Break 2013

I cannot believe Spring Break is over. It started last Saturday, which is also the day we had the Crawfish boil at Thifty Girl's....in honor of her 25th birthday. Yep, my youngest is 25. Geez. The next day, I headed up to the Princess's place and surprised my babies. They were so excited to see me...I love them kids. Then on Wednesday, I came home and got to work on my Thesis. I kept lolly-gagging around over here at my house, so I went to my aunts. For some reason I work better there. I finished that miserable thing Friday, printed and mailed it Saturday morning. Finally over with that. All I have left is a reflection paper due this coming Friday.....thank God. Ya know what that means? I AM GRADUATING WITH MY 4TH DEGREE! And it WILL be my last. After it was mailed on Saturday, my aunt, my buddy, and headed out for a couple of days in Jackson, Mississippi. We spent the night at the Hilton. At first glance, it looked like a really good hotel, but I wouldn't recommended it. Hilton is a good brand, but not that one. There was an art show at the Mississippi Museum of Art we wanted to see. It was a really good show about French artist. They had the show laid out so that you could see the earliest French artist and the progression of artistic style up to the Impressionist, which is my fav. I got to see a Renior, Van Gogh, and of course 2 Monet's. It was an excellent show. On our way back today, we drove back through bad weather. I hate driving in that kinda weather. Once back at my aunts, I went get supper, I ate, and then headed home. Spring Break 2013 gone in a flash....just like that. The only good part is that  we only have 22 days left of school. Then I'm taking the summer OFF again. Two summers in a row! Yippee!!! This one is even better since I will not be looking at going back to college in the fall. I am done! Ready to just have some fun.....yep. So although Spring Break is over, I know I have to go back so that I can make it until summer.

MEET THE WORLD'S BEST PROCRASTINATOR!

OMG blog world.......Tomorrow is the deadline for my thesis, and guess who is sitting here staring at the computer screen! Yep, you guessed it.....ME! I am off all week for Spring Break, and all I have done is goof off.........darn-it, I wanna go play some more - do something fun! All I have to do is edits, and then I'm done. I don't want too!!!! *Susan stomps foot! Ugh!!!!

Home....At Last!

Why is it that holidays are so exhausting that I'm happy to go back to work and rest? Does that make sense? Well, I picked up my boys from their PaPa's at 11 am on Friday, and it has been a "world wind" weekend. When we got there on Friday, we went to their apartment to start moving (what I thought) would be one load of heavy stuff. I shoulda known better. The princess still had a ton of stuff to move + she had not even started cleaning. I really wanted to cry, but I held it together. We started loading the bed, sofa, and large ottoman's into her truck. Then, we started filling up the back of my van (which had all the seats folded down. Now, let me pause for a second just to say....THE GIRL HAD AN UPSTAIRS APARTMENT! Really, I'm getting to old for this. Her and I lifted, pull, and carried all that *bleep* down those stairs and loaded them in a truck. Men all around and not one offered to help. My poor little boys hauled smalled stuff to my van too. We left with the heavy load of stuff, went to their new place, unloaded it, then went eat at a very good restaurant. I say good....it wasn't fabulous, but for up there, it was good. Then we went to Walmart to pick up a few things, then headed by to the new place and passed out. It was 11 pm before we crawled into bed. Princess had us up at 8am. I thought the girl had lost her mind, but the boys and I got up :(. We head over to the old place, loaded up again, and headed back to the new place. Went back to the old place, loaded up one more time, cleaned, and headed back to the new place with the last load. We ate at Popeyes, and then headed back to Walmart for groceries and other stuff. It was 9 pm before we unloaded all of the groceries. The boys and I stayed home while Princess headed back to the old place to put in a blind, then stopped off at work to pick up the Easter Bunny. By the time she got back, I had all the groceries picked up, boys fed, and we ended the night with a glass of champagne at 11:30. Princess bounced us out of bed at 8 am because the Easter Bunny came. Seriously, the boys said "okay" and snuggled back with the Grammy, but Princess wouldn't leave us alone til we got up. We had a good day, cooking, playing with the boys, and slowly picking up around the house. It rained, so our planned Easter Egg hunt had to be inside. The enjoyed my giant basket of goodies, and totally ignored the 6 brand new outfits, and shoes. Next year, I think I will get them under wear and socks....turds! I tackled their room. It was spotless and organized when I left. Dying to know how long it will last. Poor darlings crawled in the bed at 7 pm by themselves and went to sleep. Princess bounced us out of bed at 6:30 for school. Even after all that sleep, they still didn't want to get up. HA! That is Grammy's boys! I dropped them off at school at 7:20, dropped Princess off at work at 7:30, and I headed for home. Stopped by Thrify Girl's and she loaded up my van with her dirty clothes. I came in, put a load of her clothes on to wash, and I fell in the bed, and slept for 6 hours straight. Like the boys, I could have slept longer, but I got things to do. I'm so exhausted I need a day off to rest...HA. It was good though. Love her new place. Neighborhood much better. Bigger place with a yard for the boys to play. They cut the grass for her. Washer and Dryer. It was worth it to get her and the boys outta the "ghetto." Not really the "ghetto", but not a good place for kids. Oh well, another Easter down.....back to the grind tomorrow.

Looking forward to a 4 day weekend!

Well, I'm feeling pretty good these days. We only work 4 days this week and 4 days next week. That means we have a 4 day weekend with Friday and Monday off! Yippeeeee! Picking up the boys Friday morning, then headed to Leesville. Spending Easter with my babies. I can't wait to see those kiddos. It won't be all fun as we are moving them to Rosepine....just 15 minutes up the road. So I'll be all soar :( from lifting. I'll come back on Monday for a day of rest before jumping into our 2nd 4 day week. Then we have testing week....I'll be a basket case, as usual, but then a week later is Spring Break 2013. Thus far, I have a trip to NOLA planned with the faculty of BES. We are having a "team building" meeting! Love it! Then, I'm headed to Jackson, Mississippi, with my aunt and buddy to see an art show. By then, I will be done with that miserable thesis, and hopefully looking at graduation. Therefore, the month of April is pretty much planned out already. Once we come back from spring break, we have 4 weeks of school left. The school year 2012-2013 will be over. I'm taking my 2nd summer off in a row; however, this one will be quite different. I will NOT be looking at another upcoming semester in college. No way! I'm done! What will my next school year look like? Who knows? BUT, I'm ready people!

Am I an option?

"When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. It's that simple."

Unfortunately, I am feeling this way lately. It is simple to say that I will remove myself from the equation, but it is harder to do. I have successfully removed myself from one situation where I was clearly an option, but I didn't want to admit it to myself I guess....... Although, I knew deep down inside. It is quite clear now. I am working on removing myself from this other situation where I have been an option for many years. This one is more of a hassle than anything, but I have to step out of my comfort zone and do it. I am NOT a freaking option! Ugh! Why does life have to be so difficult?

Living in Peace

"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is rather than as you think it should be."

Peace is one of those gifts that money cannot buy. I am person who enjoys peace. I do not like drama at all. In fact, I stay as far away from it as I possibly can. However, in my line of work, drama seems to be a daily occurrence. If it is isn't coworkers, then it is parents. If it isn't parents, then it is supervisors or administrators. Rarely does a week go buy where we do not have drama-of some kind-at school. The lack of peace in my life lately revolves around my inability to accept life as it is rather than the way I think it should be. That goes for my professional life; as well as, my personal life. I tend to analyze everything. I should have been a research scientist.....maybe I would be so tired of analyzing data that I wouldn't do it also in my personal life, but I'm not a research scientist, so I not only analyze everything at school, but also in personal life. I look at things through those glasses that see things as they should be.....the most experienced, most educated employee get the promotion, and the nice, sensible, kind, woman gets the prince. That is the way I feel it should be; but in reality, the uncertified, young, less experienced person get the promotion and the lying, cheating, deceitful woman gets the prince. I've started forcing my self to see things as they are. Stop making excuses for those who disrupt the peace in my life. I hate cutting people out of my life, but I have to have peace. Otherwise, I think I just might go "bonkers." Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

Pulling up my big girl panties :)

Ok, so the Susan has not been feeling quite right for the last 3 or 4 days. Something was not quite right. I had a slight headache all the time, was sleepy all the time, stressed out, and not wanting to do much of nothing. Sounds like depression, but actually it was my blood  pressure. One of my interpreters mention she had a headache from starting her blood pressure meds and it made me think just maybe mine was low, but it was the opposite....high. The nurse at school took it twice....145/98, then 155/102....yikes! I have been off blood pressure meds for a year, but I think all the stress of finishing this degree and my job is putting undue stress on me. So, went to see the doctor this morning. Back on blood pressure meds and my anxiety pills. I hate taking meds, but I got to see this through I guess. Took today off and taking tomorrow off too. I just need to chill.  If I can just make it through the middle of May, I think I will be fine. All of my thesis stuff will need to be turned in by April 26. I can't wait. So this is my quote for today:

"Sometimes you just have to pull up your big girl panties and do it whether you like it or not."

TGIF is all I can say!

"Life would be a million times better if there were pinatas strategically placed throughout the day."

Ok, so this has been one long ass week. I am so freaking tired, and pissed, and stressed to the max. When I saw this quote....I couldn't help but think of how much better I would feel if I could beat the hell out of several pinatas throughout the day,  and have chocolate candy bars fall at my feet. HA! Talk about a stress reliever!

So what is a single middle age woman doing on a Friday night after a very long work week? She is sitting in her bed, clipping coupons, drinking her red wine, texting and talking to friends on the phone and computer, in her comfy clothes.....just chillaxin people.....just chillaxin. To some, this may sound boring, but to me....it don't get no better than this. Now tomorrow, I may be ready to head out the door for fun in the sun, but Friday nights are best spent in my bed.

Ahhhhh, nite blog world!

Should I turn the page or close the book?

"There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book."

Funny how this analogy pretty much sums up my life at this point. I have several large decisions to make in the the coming months. Some of these decisions will be difficult, some will be aggravating, some will make me very nervous, and some will be quite easy simply because the people involved will close the book for me,  or leave me no other options but to close the book. I like turning pages, but all too often I realize that the pages I am turning are empty; therefore, closing the book is the only option. Please pray for me as I navigate the rough seas ahead. I will need all the divine intervention I can get. HA.

The Bridge of Faith

"Faith is the bridge between where I am and the place God is taking me."

Throughout my life I have always had such enormous faith in my destiny. God has strategically placed me right where I needed to be at those particular times in my life. However, I have to admit....He has me quite stumped at this point in my life. For some reason, when my youngest daughter graduated from high school, I figured God would move me from St. Mary Parish. I'm not from St. Mary Parish. I felt it has served its purpose in my life....it was an excellent place to raise my children, my children got an excellent education, and I have had excellent opportunities to further my career. I've made many friends here, and although boring as hell, I really liked living in Berwick, LA. Well, it has been nearly 7 years since she graduated high school.....AND I'M STILL IN BERWICK, LA! I have to admit.....my faith is waning. I literally don't see why I'm still here. I thought he would move me maybe back to Thibodaux since my "people" are aging and will need all the help they can get, but nope, I've looked for the open doors quite often, and every time....the door is slammed shut. I don't have the "gusto" for the position I'm currently in anymore. Too much drama with the adults; however, the kids are fabulous. The job has taught me more about "learning" than any other position ever has. I cannot imagine living away from South LA. My youngest son keeps insisting I need to look for a job near DC, but I don't think I could handle the winters. In fact, I know I can't handle the winters. I can't handle the mild winters here in LA! And, I don't want to move too far away from my grand babies either. I wish I could be closer to them, but Vernon Parish pays even less money than St. Mary, and the cost of living is more! So I'm fixing to spruce up the "ole resume" and start fishing again. I'll start within what I feel is the area I feel I would be most happy in. Of course, I will be open to anything God has planned for my life, but I am praying he makes his plan dead obvious....LOL. I over analyze ever freaking thing.  So where is the area I will be looking.....from Lafayette, LA east to NOLA (of course - hehe) and north to Baton Rouge and everything in between. That is 16 parishes to be exact. Do you think I may find one new job that is exciting? God, I am praying that I will find something. In either direction, the maximum I would drive is 1.5 hours. Yes, I would drive the first year. I want to work in the area first, so I am sure of where I want to live when I do move. I hate to admit it, but Lafayette would not be bad. That would put me dead center between my grand babies and my aging peeps in Thibodaux (2.5 hours from Leesville and 2.5 hours from Thibodaux). I'm not a fan of Lafayette. Too many people crammed into a town that is unable to grow  fast enough to meet the needs of the ever growing population. Just visiting makes me anxious. I really want to move towards NOLA. I just love that place, but I will see what comes open. I can't totally eliminate St. Mary either. I would like to though. Real quick like...HA. I'm ready for a new job that excites and motivates me. I am ready for some fun in my personal life. I am ready to travel. I'm ready. I just have to continue to have faith in God's plan. I think I need a hefty dose of patience too. I am getting impatient. Ugh. Ok, let me go to sleep and dream of the perfect life.

Never Regret Anything

"Never regret anything that has happened in your life - it cannot be changed, undone, or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned and move on."

The above quote is one that I have understood since I was just a little girl. Life is,  what it is. Crap happens. Unfortunate events occur. People come and go. For the most part, I really do not have any real regrets. Oh, there are things I wish I had done differently; however, it cannot  be changed, undone, or forgotten.....so why fret over it. I just make the best of it, and move on. I've become a pro at moving on. So many people hang on to bad decisions for dear life, and all it does is eat at them like a cancer. I just walk away, and try to learn my lesson. For me, learning the lesson is the hard part. I can walk away, let go, move on, but many times when I'm presented with a similar situation, I be damn if I don't do the same thing! Not always, but I have on occasion repeated bad decisions. Most of the time, it involves people who I care about. They come to me for help, and I simply cannot say no. I want to help, but in the end, I get screwed again. I admit, it is hard to swallow that someone you care about does not feel the same way about you. It is amazing...the people I have helped the most in their time of need is the very ones who consistently turn their back on me when I am in need. I have had it happen to me so many times that I rarely ever ask anyone for help. However, I even see it in friendships. When they need a shoulder to cry on, I am the first person they call. However, let me need a shoulder to cry on, and they will "call me back later." Not that I ever really push the issue...it is what it is. I've just learned to handle everything on my own....the hard way of course. In the last few years, I have started to pay people for help around the house. This year, I am firing everyone.....I pay good money, and nothing ever gets done the way I want it. I'm going buy a lawn mower, and cutting my own damn grass. I am buying my own pressure washer, and pressure washing my own house. I am washing my own van from now on. I have skirting to put up, roof that needs to be resealed, plumbing work, etc. This list goes on. I'm going to get it done somehow. I have no freaking choice. No one can/wants to help, and I am tired of paying for half ass work. Ok, so I feel determined....empowered. Moving along.............................

Approval......Check :)

Finally, the IRB at NSU approved my field study. Now the game is on! Got a lot to do tomorrow, but today I met the Princess and the boys in Lafayette to do a little shopping. Thrifty Girl and her new beau also showed up to eat supper with us. Had a good day overall. The boys were tired, but they earned a trip to Gamestop. That always makes them happy. After leaving Lafayette, I scooted on over to L'auberge Casino in Baton Rouge. Had a good time, but was tired from all the shopping.....couldn't hold out pass midnight. I knew I needed to leave because I had an 1.5 hour ride back home. Made it home safely, and now I am tucked into my bed fixing to go to sleep. Nite bloggers!

Busy....as usual.

Ok, 62 days of school left. I'm gonna make it. I'm determined, but I still have so much to do between "work school" and "university school." I will celebrate in a huge way for my birthday if everything works out as planned.

I still have not received my IRB approval. Don't know what the hold up is, but I need to get this done quickly. Hopefully, if everything goes as planned, then I will have my Educational Specialist Degree and I will be done. Then what? Who knows?

On the work front, I'm hoping for a new position. Where will I end up? St. Mary? Who knows? I'm just praying God will guide me to a new job.

Blog world....just pray that God will guide me to a more fulfilling life. I'm not asking for money, just happiness. Yep, happiness to me is priceless :).

Found It!

Several months back, I wrote a post....................eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.....................hold on...........................eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!! Holy crap!!!!! I had to fight off a huge ant in my bed!!!! What in the world!!!! OMG!!!!! Now, I will not get sleep. Going set up my ant baits under and around my bed. Be back in a sec............................................................................................Mission Accomplished! Ugh!!! It is too early to start having ant problems, but it has been raining. That is when they usually start coming in...to get of the wet soggy ground, but they can go find higher ground somewhere else! Hmph! My chest is hurting. I'm not scared of ants by no means, but just the thought of that thing in MY bed. *Shivers! No one gets in my bed without MY permission. *Expletive, *Expletive, *Expletive! Gosh.....and this was gonna be one of those soul search post....

Ok, back to my original post....*with a headache now........I wrote a post about a dying or maybe an older mother, who looked back on her years of raising her children. I said then, that I knew I had it somewhere.....well today, as I was cleaning out my bedside table....I found it AGAIN. I say again because, I find it, then put it in a safe spot, then can't remember where int he world I put it....HA, so I gotta find it again. Well, I found it again this afternoon....and I said I was not going to lose it again because I was gonna put it on this blog so I won't lose it....HA. So here it is.......

                                                   A Message for Young Mother's
                                                          Things I wish I'd known

                                                                By Mary Costello

Condensed from the Catholic Star Herald:

I've learned a lot in my old age. I've even learned a thing or two about myself. I used to think I was a terrible housekeeper because I could never keep up with the laundry, the dirty ice cream bowls on the counter tops, the newspapers on the floor. One year, when we finally got to the bottom of the piles of laundry in the laundry room, we found clothes that hadn't fit anybody in years. In fact, we found shorts and shirts we had never seen before.

There was a time when I couldn't find a safety pin or sewing needle or a piece of blank paper to leave someone a message, much less a pen to write with. I thought I was just a rotten manager.
     Why didn't I have more drive or ambition?
I tried not to make commitments. When I did, I let people down. I'd promise to got to a meeting, for example, and chair a committee. Then I'd have to cancel at the last minute because the baby got sick.

For years, I thought I was a terrible person because I could never say a prayer without an interruption, and even if I didn't have an interruption, I could only pray about things like, "Please, Lord, let the stain in this shirt come out. It cost too much to be ruined."

       Then the kids grew up and left home.I found I was not a terrible housekeeper; rather, I'd been surrounded by a bunch of busy, normal, wonderful, messy kids.
        I hadn't had any energy because I had been working very hard. I wasn't a rotten manager; it's just not possible to keep up with so many people.
        I wish I'd known that then!
        I wish I had been able to acknowledge that it's OK to have dishes on the counter and newspapers on the floor because the most important thing is rocking the baby.

I wish I had been able to say: "I'm terribly sorry I cannot come to your meeting. Maybe someday I'l be able to get involved and make a commitment toward a more loving world. But right now I have to stay at home and make sure we have a loving world here on Bradfield Drive.
       I wish I would have understood that Jesus was saying: "When you rock that baby and sing that baby to sleep, that is your  very best prayer. By loving that child, you are loving Me. All I ask of right now is to model my love for your partner and your children. All I expect you to do is love."

      We are called to love. That's all.
       I wish I had realized it earlier.

My very first principal had given this to me and another coworker, who by the way, is now my assistant principal. I can remember being overwhelmed with my 4 little children. Unlike the author of this story, I was a single mom. I can remember thinking all of the things she spoke about in the above story. I barely slept. There was just not enough hours in the day. As the kids got older, I enlisted their help in keeping the house clean, but still the majority fell on me. I felt guilty I suppose. I remember reading this and feeling somewhat relieved.....here was someone telling me it was okay to have dirty bowls on the counter and piles of dirty laundry on the floor. Unfortunately, I still couldn't leave my house like that for months....but, dirty bowls left on the counter until the morning or the next afternoon....yea, I think I could do that. And I did. I just kept remembering that it was more important to spend time, and make memories than keep a spotless house. Yes, I couldn't take it longer than a few days.....then I would go off the deep end and everybody had to chip in, but it was an improvement from the sleepless nights and guilt trips I had felt. I'm glad I got my hands on these inspiring words....coming from another woman who had a house full of kids makes it even more meaningful. Smooches blog world.

Almost Over

Well Mardi Gras is almost over. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I need to remember that cuz I will be wondering why people are walking around with dirty foreheads....lol.

 Back to school on Thursday. Ugh. Hey, but it is a short week.

For some reason, I have been able to eat quite a bit today. Why? I have no idea. Some days I can't eat anything. Other days I can eat out the house. Now, don't get me wrong. It is nothing compared to what I used to eat, but I had 2 full cups of egg drop soup, several (bout 10 mini crackers with baked Brie and Strawberry Preserves, and about a half a bag of popcorn, and 1 cup of the limited edition Special K cereal with milk. That is not counting the bottle of champagne I downed with the Brie and crackers, red wine I drank tonight, coffee, and water I drank. I'm stuffed! Phew! Now I may wake up tomorrow and can't even drink my coffee. This band is crazy. Anyway, it is doing what I want it too.....well most of the time. I have about 30 lbs left to lose, and of course, it is holding on to my bones like crazy. I haven't lost anything in about 2 months. Ugh!!!! I was hoping to be down to my goal weight by my bday. I don't know. Maybe I need to cut out the glass of red wine every freaking night. But darnit, French women drink red wine all the time. Gots to remember the medicinal properties of red wine. Yea, red wine is good for you!!! Or maybe I need to get serious about cutting out the salt. Who am I kidding? That is the culprit. I would give up the wine and sweets anytime, but salty foods.....that is my weakness. Nope. Not a sweet eater. But with the high doses of sodium I eat, it is a wonder I haven't gained weight. Ok, so I guess I better get serious. 30lbs...I.should be very close to my goal weight. I have 3.5 months. 10lbs a month. I can do this. Geez, the pep talk is sucking ...HA.
Alright blog world, *deep breadth, 30 pounds in 3.5 months. Yep, I'm ready. Go!

I admit....I'm an addict!

Yep, I'm addicted......to coupon shopping. I used to be really good at it. In fact, when the kids were young, if I didn't have a coupon or sale paper in hand, it didn't get purchased. Raising 4 kids on a teacher's salary and piss poor child support didn't cut it.....so coupons played an important part in what was bought during the month and what we did without. After the kids grew up, and could purchase their own personal items, coupon shopping took a nose dive. Not because I couldn't still clip coupons, but just because it wasn't a necessity as much as it once was. It's one thing when you have to clip coupons to survive, then it is another thing to clip coupons just because your addicted to saving a buck here or there. My time became more important. Not having to purchase  items that the kids enjoyed eating (chicken nuggets, pizza, cereal, etc.) also played a huge roll in my slacking where coupons were concerned. Well here we are....my youngest is fixing to turn 25 in a couple of months, and I've gone back to clipping coupons. Why one might ask? Well, I now have the time....or more like....I'm taking the time. And, the kids need help. I remember those early adult days. My paycheck was never ever enough. So how did I do today. Well, I saved nearly $50. What did I buy....Well, I got several items completely free. I got Gaming Geek some free body wash, shaving cream, and me some free razors. Plus countless other coupons on everything from breaded frozen shrimp to toilet bowl cleaner. Although, to be completely honest, I didn't need any of it. Having the products sit on the self for someone else to buy full price, which also gives a huge profit to the store and company, seems ludicrous to me. I bought it anyway. I'll give it away rather than not use the coupon.  I didn't buy things that cost too much, but if it turned out to be a serious bargain, I bought it.anyway I'm not crazy.....addicted yes, but crazy no. I don't buy Ex Lax just because I have a coupon...LOL. However, if I can possibly use it, I buy it.  I have little piles of products sitting in the living room to give to the kids. Johnny has 3 can of shaving cream, razors, body wash, face wash. Katie has razors, toilet bowl cleaners, toothpaste, soap, and several items in the freezer .....green giant vegetables, breaded shrimp, soup. I can't help pay their bills, but at the least....I can clip coupons. I got me a few things too.....2 different kinds of lotion, make-up, paper towels, washing detergent, soap, personal care products, etc. I'm good to go for several months on the personal care products, and since Thrifty Girl also washes at my house.....she is good to go too. I told the two who still lives near me to make sure that ask me before they buy any personal care products or household products. I more than likely will have it stocked at Mom's warehouse....lol. I have tons of toilet paper, paper towels, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, razors, etc....I really like being frugal. I'm tackling the bills too. I'm seriously thinking of letting go of my AT&T account. Yep, this new plan at Wal-Mart...Smart Talk is quite smart. $45 a month....unlimited calls, data, text, and no contract to boot. I'm paying 165 a month for both Katie and my phone.  WTF! Yes, I will have to buy my new iphone outright, but it saves money in the long run. I have already disconnected the house phone, cable, and I'm seriously thinking about cutting the cell phone line. Why give AT&T all that money when I can pay for Smart Talk and pay a fraction of the cost. OH, and Princess did the research.......they use AT&T towers.....so again....why am I paying for all those extra cost? I'm quickly approaching retirement. I need to start learning to cut where I can cut. This is just the beginning! Home almost paid for, van almost paid for, cutting household expenses, saving at the store.....damn.....I'm just stretching the dollars til it sings for me....HA!
On a more serious note. My friend is still in Jordan taking care of his ailing mother. When I first met him, I knew there was something about this guy that seemed special, but I never could put my finger on what made him special. His life, as much as I could see, was a mess. He came packing  a lot of baggage and drama, and still does, but I just sensed something special about him for some reason. Although he has moved backed to NC and now is helping take care of his mother in Jordan, I'm beginning to see a pretty amazing man. I don't know who told me this before, but I was once told that you can gauge the integrity of a man solely by the way he treats his mother. His mother had a stroke 2 days before Thanksgiving. He couldn't get a flight out to Jordan until Thanksgiving day. He arrived in Jordan 24 hours later, but hasn't left her side since. He has 2 young children still here in the states; however, he has taken over complete care for his mother. His love for her has shown through his undying attention in the details of her care, and how he speaks so fondly of his "lovely mother" and the God who will not leave her in her end time. I know he is exhausted. His days are filled with task that include tending to her medical needs, and task to make the home where she is staying comfortable and inviting. Brothers and sisters pitch in when they can, and make financial contributions to make sure she is well taken care of. Just a beautiful picture of the way one honors their mother, who by the way, sacrificed so much to make sure that her children were successful. Overall, just an amazing story about a sons love for the woman who gave him life. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I'm just really glad he is my friend, and I have gotten to know him on a more personal level.
Life is full of surprises. People come and go, but you just never know who will show up and catch you by surprise. My friend has surely made me take a long hard look at what really is important to me. I am so glad he has become a part of my life. :)

Mardi Gras 2013

                                

Well, here we go again. Mardi Gras. To other's around the country, it is just another day at work. To us in South LA, it is just another excuse to party...HA. Actually, it is a religious holiday. Since South LA has a huge Roman Catholic population, Mardi Gras - "Fat Tuesday," is the big party before the the season of Lent - when Catholics are suppose to "fast" and pray and give up their worldly addictions leading up to Good Friday (death of Jesus) and the resurrection (Easter Sunday). Don't know if I got that all right, but it is something like that..HA. I was raised semi-Catholic. I say "semi" because it was in family tradition only. I never got Catholicism, but who gets religion anyway. I did my "little" communion, and whatever they call that thing when your a teenager, went to catechism,  learned "The Lord's Prayer", and Hail Mary's, and others.....that I would recognize if someone said the name...HA.  Anyway, Mardi Gras in South LA has evolved into more of a cultural phenomena. Everybody celebrates Mardi Gras....doesn't matter the religion. After years of bringing the kids for fun, then years of marching or watching the kids perform and march in parades (band and dance team members), Mardi Gras is nothing more than a pain in the butt to me, but I don't complain too much....it is a holiday from school....yippee!!!!! Looks like Mother Nature is not cooperating this year with all the parades. We have rain predicted throughout Wednesday. I wanna say Zeus has already cancelled in Nola, and many others are pending cancellation. Not good for Nola, and really sad for those people who belong to those organizations. A lot of time and money go into get ready for "the parade day" and if rain cancels, well....just a serious bummer. Oh well, blog .....HAPPY MARDI GRAS!

Unbelievable!

Ok, so all you peeps who read my blog know I have been aggravated that they closed schools for 2 days for bad weather ....right? On Wednesday, we did not get any rain, but we had the day off. Thursday was pretty nasty, so ok.....I'll give them that. So back to school today. We had only a 20% chance of rain for today. Well guess what? That entire 20% fell in Berwick. Of course! Since I am also in charge of our After School Care Program, I am at school until 5:30 P.M. It has rained all day long. Although our pumps are powerful and drain out the water very quickly, the pumps couldn't keep up. The canal you see in the picture below is 4th Street. The water is half way up the parking lot. I am standing in the door of our After School Care room. That is the Berwick Public Library across the street. Parents are having a rough time picking up their kids. So, now we have to make up the 2 days we missed. They have decided to add 15 minutes to the end of the day beginning January 22 through April 12. Ho Hum....I know you guys are probably thinking ....that isn't bad! Those 15 minutes feel like 15 hours...I kid you not. Oh well, what can we do? It could be worse. Looked at the predicted weather for the weekend and next week.....more rain coming. And 2/3 of the US is under drought conditions? I wish I could send them some of our rain! Unbelievable!

Now, I'm aggravated.

Ok, so we closed schools due to a severe weather alert. I have sat in my house all day......and not one drop of rain yet. Now, they cancelled schools again.....for a severe weather alert. That is 2 days we will have to make up....for what!? This is crazy!

There is a first time for everything.

Well, strangest thing. Our Superintendent closed all St. Mary Parish Public Schools tomorrow due to a severe weather alert. This is a first. Although this Superintendent doesn't wait to the last minute, he usually doesn't jump the gun either. I'm wondering if they have information we don't. We've had Superintendents leave school open during a tropical storm, so  I'm just wondering what this is all about. I looked at the weather forecast and I just don't understand......lots of rain yes, but we always have rain. They are talking about severe weather on Thursday....60 to 70 miles winds, but still.......Oh well, we have a day off I guess.

Welcome 2013

Well, here we go......another new year. It will take me until at least June to write 2013. I will forget, and put 2012 until then..HA. The holidays were really good. On Friday, the 21st of December, the Princess and my to two little grandsons left Lake Charles on the "Polar Express" (Amtrac) destined for New Orleans. Of course, the train was late! They arrived 2 hours late, and literally ruined them ever wanting to ride a train again..HA. They were so excited to see Grammy waiting at the train depot for them. I had already gone to the Doubletree in downtown New Orleans, checked in, and gotten everything ready for our 3 days in NOLA. We grabbed a bite to eat, and brought some back to the room, but for the most part we were all tired. I walked across the street to Harrahs after everyone was asleep. Played for a short time, but was too tired to do any good, so I walked back across the street and went to bed. By far, the Doubletree has the best location of any hotel I've stayed at in NOLA. It is right smack in the middle of everything. After we woke up, ate a little breakfast, the Princess and the boys walked down the NO Children's Museum. They had so much fun. Grammy went back to Harrahs and played a little more Baccarat. By the time they got back, they were so exhausted that the Princess thought they wouldn't make it through Celebration in the Oaks at City Park, so we decided to go to Laferenierre Park in Kenner, which has a drive through light show. We did not make it out of the city before both were sound asleep in the backseat, so we turned around and went back to the hotel. On Sunday we walked to Cafe' Dumone, walked through St. Louis Cathedral where Happy Handsome Helper  ask Princess if the holy water scares away the vampires....HA. We walked around Jackson Square, then walked down Royal and found the Marie Laveau Vampire Museum.....that was a waste of time and dumb. Scared my boys half to death for not much...LOL. Then we started walking back......the boys had their first walk down Boubon Street.....in the day time HA. We made it back to Canal and down to the Doubletree. They waited while Grammy went to get the van, then we took off for La Madeline's for lupper. We ate lupper, then headed for City Park. Thanks goodness we went early. Not only did we get the best parking spot, the boys got to play in their favorite park. They had a blast at the park, touring the Christmas lights, and spending time riding the carousel and all the rides in Storyland. It was everything I had hoped for. They were so tired, but they had a blast. Kristian wants to make going to Celebration in the Oaks a yearly tradition. I say yay!!! On Monday, Dec. 24, we woke up, checked out, and headed for Toy R Us and Whole Foods, then came home to Grammy's for a small party and wait on Santa. They got to open up plenty of presents from family, and they played and had a blast while Grammy cooked our food. Then off to bed they went only to bounce us out of bed the next morning to electric scooters and the Wii! Santa sure was good! Grammy cooked all day and they played and played with all their new stuff. They went and spent two nights at Thifty Girls and also played with Gaming Geek. On the 27th Grammy picked them up and headed for a few days in Biloxi. Grammy had a blast playing at the IP, and they ran Mommy and Grammy broke playing in the arcade! Princess took them to the beach to fly his new helicoper and play with their remote control cars but the wind was too strong and it was too cold. That night we went eat, after we ate, Princess and the boys went back to the arcade, while Grammy went back tot he room to hide all Happy Handsome Helpers B-Day presents. We sang him "Happy Bday" as he hunted around the room for all his hidden presents. After Biloxi, Princess and boys spent to days at Paw Paws and Maw Maws where they got to open up more Christmas presents and had another birthday party for the Happy Handsome Helper. They came back to Grammy's on New Year's Eve. The weeks activities were exhausting.....so much so, the boys ask their mom to go home....LOL.....that was a first! We were all in bed by 11 PM.....we all totally skipped staying up for midnight....HA. They stayed until today, and I brought them home. I got big kisses, and sweet good byes, then I headed home. I have another week off......thank god, cuz I need it. So here we are......all ready for 2013. I always say to myself that I hope this year is better than the last. As my blog title says, Que Sera, Sera.....the future is not ours to see, what will be will be. I wonder what 2013 will bring to me and my family. I am hoping all those things that mean so much to me....love, spending time together, making memories, peace, joy, happiness, and hope.....yea, that is what I want for the new year.